all theory, no action

i was just at target, and one of the workers called me ma'am. i hate it when people call me ma'am. i know it is polite in the south (and probably other places) but it makes me feel like this - (this old lady is pretty awesome, but she's still old...) the fact that i am panicking about turning 25 in a month and a half is probably not helping either. still, there has to be some other word or name for women who are over 12. i'm going to throw "miss" out there. i don't think anyone would be offended by it, and it would help all us old ladies feel better about ourselves.

helplessly hoping

disclaimer: i am writing this post because of my conscience. i have been wrestling with these thoughts, and myself, for days, and decided that it was time to air them out. i don't intend to offend or hurt anyone, so i hope anyone reading this will not take offense. i don't want to argue either - just voice my opinion. also, i don't believe i am a perfect person, by any means. i am not an expert in any of these areas, and i'm sure there are flaws in what i have written. but, like i said, i have been wrestling with my conscience about it, and have felt the need to share my opinion and beliefs. and i tried to do just that.

i support propositions 8 and 102, along with the other similar measures around the country. in a church meeting about a month before the election, a member of my stake presidency spoke to us about supporting them, and related to us that the First Presidency and other General Authorities had asked for our support on prop 102. if i hadn't made up my mind about them by that point, i would have after that meeting.

over the past 15 days or so, i have been interested in the things happening in california, and arizona to some extent, since the passing of propositions 8 and 102, along with others. hearing about the protests and persecutions that have taken place across the country has baffled me somewhat. within the last few days, i have heard stories of what members of the lds church, and other supporters of proposition 8, have gone through in california, simply because they exercised their rights as citizens, and decided i am glad i don't have to endure that kind of thing at the moment. sometimes it is not an easy thing to follow counsel passed down from the prophet, or even our own convictions, but i believe that it will always be the rewarding thing, maybe most especially when it is hard to do.

my 5 months in china taught me more about freedoms and privileges than anything else in my experience thus far. not being able to share the gospel principles that have made me so happy was painful - heartbreaking sometimes. talking to an underground member of a christian faith made me pray for all of the other members of the country to have that same privilege and choice someday, legally. having to turn chinese people away from church meetings so that we as citizens of other countries could continue to meet made me wish i could call a meeting with president hu jintao. being afraid to leave a hymn book at the home of a chinese couple made me feel sad that i couldn't share the messages of those beautiful songs with them. i learned a lot in china - how to love people who are difficult, how to find strength in tough situations, how to enjoy having less and make do with what i did have. i haven't carried those lessons with me the way that i should. but i also learned more appreciation for the gifts that being an american has given me. i am glad i can exercise my rights of free speech and freedom of religion. i feel privileged that i can bear testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel, and that no one is forced to profess belief in anything. i feel blessed to be a part of a democracy - to have a system in place that allows citizen's voices to be heard, and to let the people have a say in the laws of the land. i would like for everyone to have the happiness i feel in the gospel, and the peace that it brings, but i also recognize that everyone has their own right to choose. and if they don't choose what i choose, i hope i can be kind and remember that that is within their right. i hope that i can do what my Savior would want me to do, in any situation - that i can have the strength and the faith to act as He would have me act.

p.s. i am going to leave this post open to comments, for now. i am interested to hear what others think. however, i don't like to cry, and i don't want to start any fights. so if things get out of hand i will close them. be ye warned...

time bomb baby

i'm getting sick. as in, i can feel the sick lurking under the surface, just waiting for me to fall asleep so it can take over. i wish it would go away. i thought, up until recently, that i acquired a super immune system while i was in china. seriously, i didn't get sick once when i was there, and i haven't been sick all that often since i came home - 1 or 2 times, if i am remembering right. until i moved, that is. if i do end up succumbing and falling asleep tonight, i will have been sick twice since i moved in july. maybe it's the desert...

on a happier note, the lakers lost! like any good jazz fan, i always cheer for whoever the lakers are playing, and i was starting to get worried about their 7-0 record. but they lost tonight, and allen iverson has never looked quite so good to me.

i need some more excitement in my life...

where amazing happens

disclaimer: this is about sports. specifically basketball. so sorry to anyone reading who is bored. this won't be a regular occurrence, i don't think...

i love the jazz. really, i really love the jazz. and i really wish i could have watched jerry sloan get his 1000th win with the jazz tonight. but, due to some unfortunate issues with the satellite (we are now in a fight. i don't want to talk about it.) i was unable to watch the game. so i watched nba tv instead. and i discovered something - i just love basketball in general. watching three goofy guys talk about all the 13 games going on tonight was actually, surprisingly, a really great way to spend a friday evening. i would have rather been watching the game, but those goobers were better than nothing.

i was thinking tonight about watching the jazz way back when, with john stockton and karl malone and jeff hornacek and greg oster-goober. i must have been in elementary school, or junior high at the latest, when john stockton made that buzzer beating 3 pointer over charles barkley to get to the finals. man, that was incredible. i was on a high from that shot for hours. thinking about it, and the leapfrog jumps afterwards, still makes me so happy. and i know it is early in the season, but i just have so much faith in my little jazzie wazzies! (ha ha. don't tell them i call them that.) i may be biased, but i feel like the jazz are one of the best teams in the west, and consequently in the whole nba. (the east is a joke, lets be serious.) so congrats to jerry sloan and all those jazz players!! i love you guys! (as if any of them are actually reading this...)

ok, here it is... i got a big grin watching this. gotta love the short shorts

i feel weird

i know i have posted about dreams before, but i have been having such bad nightmares lately i thought it might help if i wrote about them, and got it out of my system. now, nightmares is a subjective word for me. i don't dream about people chasing me and wanting to kill me, or anything like that. i don't wake up screaming - i wake up crying. and i feel so silly about it! i'm sure most normal people would not even dream about this stuff, and if they did they probably wouldn't cry about it, or even think twice about it. so apparently i am not a normal person - i am a mental person. i have dreamt 2 or 3 times in the past week or so about watching a plane crash. i just have to stand there helplessly and watch all those people falling to their deaths. (the last time it was 800 people. i knew that for some reason. i told my dad about the dream and the first thing he said was there is no plane that can hold 800 people... whatever, it was a dream.) last night, i dreamt that i married someone i didn't love because i was lonely. sparing you all the gory details, let's just say i woke up feeling like a monster. i don't know if these dreams are a reflection of what i am really like, or what i would really do in these situations, but if they are i don't know if i am fit to be in society. i know it sounds like i am overreacting (i do that a lot too) but the feelings i have when i wake up are so strong. i really did cry this morning after i realized what happened in my dreams last night. maybe this is an indication that i need to change some things about the way i am. or maybe i just need to take a c.p. whatever it is, i am hoping that writing this all down will be cathartic enough that i can go back to having good dreams...

all the leaves are brown

my little bro sent me this video over the weekend and i love it. i'm not sure anyone else will appreciate it as much as i do. i sure love my dogs, and i love that there are enough leaves to rake up there, but i don't have to do it. leaves don't fall down here.

some background - the big red dog is parker, and the little stupid white one (who is the star of the video) is macey. my mom's neighbors have a walnut tree that drops walnuts into her yard and parker likes to chew them open and eat the nuts. macey just likes to do whatever parker does, so she chews on them for about 3 seconds and then wants the one parker has. she does not eat them. she basically only eats bread. stupid, awesome dog...

i love her.