if you see her, say hello

my mom is probably the most amazing person i know. she has been through so much, and yet she still continues to be happy, optimistic, helpful, fun, positive, caring, cheerful,unselfish, focused, loving... the list could go on and on. i have learned so much from her, and i hope i'm not done learning, because if i hope to one day be half the person she is i'm gonna have to get crackin! today is her birthday, and i hope she has the best one ever! she deserves it.

won't you let me know

so, i have this magic ipod. for real. everytime i think of a random song i want to listen to, or hear about a song that intrigues me, i check my ipod and magically it is there! a while back my ipod got erased on accident (and i was devastated) but my cool cool friends helped me out and filled it back up. so now, i have all of these suprise songs that just seem to appear! sometimes i forget about the magic and buy a song. i get real mad if i go to listen to it and there are 2 of the same song. so i'm trying to mend those ways... but mostly i just enjoy the magic.

on another note, things are going pretty good down here. i'm starting to be less lonely, thanks to jessi! she is awesome and puts up with me hanging out with her, which is fantastic. it has been really nice to have someone around to hang out with. the job search is going... i had what could be one of the strangest interviews in history today. the more i think about it, the weirder it gets. luckily the job is kind of far away, a pretty long commute, so i can justify not taking it. i don't think i'm going to. i have another couple of interviews coming up that are really promising, so i am keeping my fingers crossed for those. i hate looking for jobs, especially when trying to make them work with school and other things. these two would be part time, and work well together and with a school schedule. almost too good to be true, i think, but i'm going to keep hoping! and, i haven't been swimming in the pool in my own backyard yet. what the heck? i'm going to fix that tomorrow for sure. if i'm going to get tan, i better get cracking!!

p.s. the office is funny

distributed into small parts

well, i moved. i am officially an arizona resident. i had these big plans to take all of these great pictures before and on the way down, but it didn't work out exactly like i wanted to (when does that ever happen, really) so most of my pictures turned out pretty bad. especially the ones with me in them. but there are a couple of good ones.

my car was pretty freaking packed. but i got everything in, which was awesome! i was coming up with all sorts of ways to get all of my stuff down here. i didn't end up needing to use them, thank goodness.

see, pretty dang packed

also, i don't know why i have so much stuff...

like i have said before, the drive is awesome! i made this 10 hour playlist on my ipod and just plugged it in and drove. it was so great. driving really is like therapy to me and i love it muy mucho. there is this one part about 60ish miles out side of kanab that takes my breath away everytime i come to it. i tried to get some great pictures, but my little camera/bad picture taking skills didn't quite do it justice. but here's some anyway. use your imagination.

yeah. wow. awesome, eh? i love it. there are some more, but i think i'll post them on facebook, if you are interested.

so here i am, in arizona. it is not quite all i hoped it would be yet, but i guess i can't expect that the first week. i was so super excited for so long to finally get down here and get this new part of my life started, but the problem is i forgot to factor in the waiting time. it definitely doesn't happen instantly, or all at once. and i'm lonely. i forgot about that part - the waiting to make friends, to see what happens. thinking about the move, logically and otherwise, it was the right thing to do. but right now i can see a lot of reasons (and excuses, honestly) that i should have stayed home. so i'm trying to focus on the positive, and it is getting easier. part of the problem is the fact that i am still jobless. i know, it has only been like 3 days, but i'm starting to get discouraged because i'm not hearing anything. i'm going to try some different tactics and see what i can get going. i know it will happen eventually, but (like mentioned above) i tend to forget about the hard things when i'm making decisions. i talked to a good friend this morning who helped put things in perspective for me, telling me to "savor the loneliess" and i'm going to try my hardest to follow that advice. and like i said, it is getting easier. if worse comes to worst, i'll go put a sign around my neck that says "help, i need friends" and go hang out at the institute building. ha ha. (also, luckily, i have jessi and dude here to help me out and be my friends, as long as they don't get sick of me... but seriously, i don't know what i would do without them.)

won't let it pass me by

today was my last day at modbe. i decided to move last october, and it feels like i've been saying goodbye to some people ever since then, which could explain why this doesn't really feel real to me. but the closer the big move gets, the more frequent the goodbyes have become. and today was when i said most of them. after working there for 2 years, i have made some really good friends and it is going to be hard to leave them all. in spite of all that, however, i didn't even cry. i guess i'm not really an emotional person, because i don't remember crying when i left my last job either. i fully expected to at least shed a couple of tears today, but nothing. i must have a cold heart.

i have been job searching from afar for the past week, and after some promising leads and days, i heard nothing today. that was a bit of a disappointment. well, maybe a major disappointment. i thought for sure i was guaranteed at least one of the ones i have been in contact with someone about. and i guess one day of not hearing doesn't mean i don't have any. i have been really lucky in the past with the jobs i had just basically falling into my lap, and i worked at both (ha) of them for a relatively long time, so this job searching thing is a little foreign to me. maybe i'll have better luck once i get there. i do have one interview scheduled for tuesday, and while it is not an ideal job, it's still a job. so i'm keeping my fingers crossed.

like i have said before, i tend to have unnecessary (very unnecessary) drama in my life. i don't feel like i create it, but i must. i can't think of another reason it would be there. and lets face it, i am much too old to have drama. that is one of my new move resolutions (i don't remember making new year's resolutions, but i figure now is as good a time as any. i just have to call them something else) - i am going to try to rid my life of drama. it will be harder than i want it to be, i'm sure. i thought just recognizing the problem would cure it, but that didn't work out, so i'll probably have to put some actual effort in. it will be good for me, i'm sure of that. move equals chance to start over, in effect, so as long as i remember that, i can do it!

i'm really looking forward to the drive down. most everyone i have talked to who has made that trip before thinks i'm crazy, but i really love it! driving with the windows down and good music is one of my most favorite things in the whole world to do, and with gas the way it is moving gives me a good opportunity to do just that. well, the windows down may not happen. it will be too hot and un-gas-efficient. but i do have some good music all prepared, and a charged camera battery to take some pictures. i am going to try to convince the non-believers that it really is a fun, pretty drive.


and finally, since this turned long and boring, here is a picture! one of my goodbyes was a party with some of my good old china girls (and their husbands). we wanted to get some real good authentic chinese food, but, long story short, we ended up at a chinese buffet. not real good or real authentic, but it was real fun! these girls are awesome, and i will miss them!

i get distracted

it's time for some celebration! things have worked out pretty incredibly over the last little while. i got a 97% A in my english class. it is pretty great to have some validation that i'm in the right major. school can be worrisome, so i'm glad to have things working out in that area, at least for now (knock on wood.) i killed it at work this week too! i needed to get everything caught up in preparation for this move, and like a champ, i did it - after LOTS of overtime. but hey, the check was nice, and it feels SO good to have it done. also, i got my hair cut again yesterday, and like Ali said, this is the best one ever. i'm a huge fan, after less than 24 hours, so that is a great sign.

this move is starting to stress me out just a tiny bit though. my dad found out he is going to be moving to san antonio (i hate the spurs), but he has a year, so i'll see where that puts me, i guess. i had pretty much planned on moving out at that point anyway, because i'll be a resident, so i should be fine. but it stinks to know he won't be there, just in case. and it's always nice to have a place to get some free food! good thing jessi and dude are around. but, like i've said before, i have known this is the right thing to do for a long time now, and i'm sure things will work out. in about a week and 3 days, i'll be on my way, and the big change i've been waiting for will finally be happening!

how can i help it?

i'm sorry to all of you who are bored of reading my blog because all i ever write about is moving. i have realized the error of my ways and this post will not mention it. from now on...

sometimes i wish dreams really did come true. not dreams like "someday i'll be a doctor" or "i'm gonna marry a really hot man one day" but the actual dreams i have at night. because i have some really really great ones. like last night, i dreamt that the jazz player's sports medicine... doctor... was located in my church building, and i got to meet them all, including my boyfriend, who ended up professing his undying love by the end. who doesn't want that to come true? the funny thing is, my dreams have an effect on my whole day! i wake up and think they are real all day long, and sometimes even say things out loud to people that don't make sense unless you were there, in the dream. (and usually i'm the only one there for them. most people don't dream the exact same thing i do, sadly.) it's so weird, and funny. i wake up and think it was all real, that it all really happened. usually for at least 5 minutes. sometimes i wake up wondering why i'm in the room i'm in. its cool i guess, that i dream so vividly and remember it. i just don't love the days when things are sad or scary because of a dream i had the night before. but then again, it can be helpful when i'm happy for no particular reason either. i guess the good and the bad kind of balance each other out.

the calm before the storm

at least, let's hope so! i'm sick of waiting!!

i know all my posts lately have been about change, and moving, and everything. so i'm sorry if i'm boring you to death. but i'm so ready! the way things are going right now it feels like things will be stuck they way they are for years, and if that happens i'll... do something drastic. i just keep feeling like this big event is coming, and i'm stuck around here anticipating it. and if i have to anticipate too long, some drastic, dramatic thing will happen and my big event will never come. i know moving won't necessarily help the stagnant feeling, (just move it around for a while maybe). it could even make it worse, who knows. but somehow, i think it will be exactly what i need right now. i know this is the right thing for me, and i've known it for a long time. i didn't feel so anxious about it 10 months ago, but now that it's getting closer, i'm ready ready ready!!