you may tire of me

alright, i have a confession to make.

i’m posting this to see if there is any support out there, or if you all just think i’m crazy, so anyone with any inkling of an opinion on this subject – speak up please! if you don’t, i might die. seriously.

anyway, here it goes.




i’m writing a book.



here’s the deal – i love to write. But i don’t know if it is one of those things that i irrationally love and everyone else is just kind of “meh” about. like when i sing, or playing beatles rock band, or gordon hayward, or princess bride, or any one of a number of things.

i’m shamelessly calling on you to stroke my ego a bit, or to not spare my feelings while you’re telling me the truth. i need to decide if it’s worth pouring all my blood, sweat, and tears into this, or if it’s just going to turn into a catastrophic failure that will cause me to carry through with all my threats and really become a hermit.

and if there is any ounce of support out there, then i’m giving you another responsibility – i’m holding you accountable for holding me accountable. the way i figure it, if i know there will be people checking up on me, i’m more likely to stick with it.

so, there it is. let me know, if you can find it in your hearts to help me out. would you read it? would you buy it? do you think i’m crazy? if i hear nothing, maybe i’ll take that as an answer…

(p.s. i just had an awesome weekend with my brothers. friday i had the day off and we hiked to a swimming hole straight out of “lost,” accompanied by my friend emily. here’s a picture. then, i had a dream that emily and i met president monson and afterwards, at general conference, he told everyone that i was crazy… not sure what that means, but it feels like it has to mean something.)

actions is cooler

listened to a new radiolab yesterday, about communicating with robots. they really should have a warning label on those - now i'm freaked out. but it also served to renew my conviction to never get on a dating site. who knows what kind of weird human/non-humans are on there? so i guess those two things kind of cancel each other out. (and if you are a weird human/non-human on a dating site, i'm a little sorry. don't be offended.)

however, the podcast did make me think. (i'll wait while you all recover from your shock.) they talked at length about the difference between being alive and being a simulation of alive. (anyone wondering how i got freaked out? that's almost it, right there. got my wheels turning...) and while i do love technology and the fabulous things it makes possible (cell phones, life-saving surgery, tivoed basketball games), if that's the dilemma we are going to come to because of technology, i'd like to stop here. or at least stop people from going there.



one of the hosts of the show and one of the guests were struggling to come up with a definition of what real emotions are, or what makes a human alive and a really really really great robot not alive. i was yelling some answers at them but they weren't listening. i know what i think, but what do people who don't have knowledge of the gospel think? how do they reconcile that question in their minds?



i think it's safe to say i will not be seeking out any robot interactions in the near future. (i almost wrote robert interactions... that too, i guess, unless i happen to meet a really amazing robert.)

start a brand new colony

two lists

things i should be doing:

- working on my relief society lesson
- sleeping
- writing something for class
- cleaning
- practicing the piano
- laundry
- making plans
- keeping up with my correspondence (or starting correspondence)
- drinking more water

what i am doing:
- reading
- thinking about writing something for class
- wishing i wasn't sunburnt
- basking in the glory of lebron getting beat
- procrastinating
- sneezing up a storm

hasn't caught on yet

stupid heat...

meanwhile, in other news - i am announcing right now to the world that i have a new found appreciation for my life, and for moms. both for the same reason - i played mom this weekend to a three year old and a one year old and i lived. i knew kids were hard because people told me they were hard, but i didn't know what hard meant until i lived it for 2 days. i probably won't be complaining about being single anytime soon. and all you moms out there - you are more amazing then i knew. for real.

but i also learned it can be really fun - making playdough, and ice cream cones at 9:45 am (don't tell jessi) and naked sprinkler time (not me, just the boys). it is possible those are babysitter things, not mom things, but that doesn't mean there is no overlap. and i can only think of a few other times when i went to bed with such a big appreciation for the fact that i was still breathing.

all in all, i'm glad i got to spend a weekend with the boys before they move away from the state and i'm not their favorite aunt anymore. i sure am gonna miss them.

a different town today

i feel a little bit silly about my finals picks right about now. but watch this and tell me something - how can you not love him? he looks so sad - i just want to give him a huge hug. he's my favorite, and i don't care that the mavs swept the lakers, i hate them.

in other news - camping! this weekend! for real! as long as i can stave off this illness i feel creeping up on me, my dream will come true.

now i just need a road trip...

beneath an orange sky

there are a few reasons i've been dreading summer this year. one hundred and fifteen degrees is one. people moving is another (what am i doing to do without my favorite three and one year olds?)

but i do have some fun things to look forward to:

-thunder and bulls finals (i predicted this before the playoffs started, even though i doubt anyone will believe me. and i know it's probably considered a long shot, but i've got all my fingers and toes crossed. i love me some kevin durant.)

-piles of fabric waiting to be a quilt

-piles of notebooks waiting to be filled

-a swimming pool waiting for dry ice (i forgot to take pictures last year)

-camping? finally?

-playing "mom" for the weekend to aforementioned one and three year olds. it will be an accomplishment if everyone is still alive afterwards. especially me.

-sorely needed new glasses

-sleeping in saturdays. i never knew how much i would love them until i started waking up at five am on weekdays. that is early, in case you were wondering.

-nba draft! jimmer!

-and, hopefully at some point, a road trip. don't care where to, don't care how long, i just want to make it happen

if you find yourself falling apart

question of the day - is it too early to be playing christmas music on the piano? or too late? i guess it doesn't matter what the answer is, i'm doing it anyway...

i've had something on my mind since this weekend that i can't seem to stop thinking about. you see, some friends and i went to scottsdale to celebrate emily turning 30, and we stayed at an amazing resort with 10 pools and a sushi bar and espn (pretty much everything you need to be happy.) and since then, i've been wondering what my idea of the perfect life is.

i think everyone has an idea of it, and i'm no exception, i think. but i can't seem to decide on just one idea of perfect.

emily and i actually discussed this while sitting on the balcony of our resort room. (i forgot to mention balconies in my list up there. and i can't call it a hotel.) sometimes i think perfect would be enough money that i could spend it all on the people i love, helping us all to do adventurous fun things like sail around the world or live on the beach for six months.

but other times, like when i read my favorite book, i think about how having no money is sometimes the best answer. then the politics and the awkwardness don't get in the way. what you see is what you get, and even if it isn't much, it is honest and straightforward and real.

so what to do? having money can cause problems, and being poor is usually romanticized. so i just keep going back and forth, vacillating between both of those ideas, and lots of others. and i came to this conclusion - no matter what, life will be perfect if i have the people i love close to me.

(i've been getting sentimental in my old age, i guess. it possibly has something to do with this little girl. i wish i wasn't 5000 miles away.)