i feel weird

i know i have posted about dreams before, but i have been having such bad nightmares lately i thought it might help if i wrote about them, and got it out of my system. now, nightmares is a subjective word for me. i don't dream about people chasing me and wanting to kill me, or anything like that. i don't wake up screaming - i wake up crying. and i feel so silly about it! i'm sure most normal people would not even dream about this stuff, and if they did they probably wouldn't cry about it, or even think twice about it. so apparently i am not a normal person - i am a mental person. i have dreamt 2 or 3 times in the past week or so about watching a plane crash. i just have to stand there helplessly and watch all those people falling to their deaths. (the last time it was 800 people. i knew that for some reason. i told my dad about the dream and the first thing he said was there is no plane that can hold 800 people... whatever, it was a dream.) last night, i dreamt that i married someone i didn't love because i was lonely. sparing you all the gory details, let's just say i woke up feeling like a monster. i don't know if these dreams are a reflection of what i am really like, or what i would really do in these situations, but if they are i don't know if i am fit to be in society. i know it sounds like i am overreacting (i do that a lot too) but the feelings i have when i wake up are so strong. i really did cry this morning after i realized what happened in my dreams last night. maybe this is an indication that i need to change some things about the way i am. or maybe i just need to take a c.p. whatever it is, i am hoping that writing this all down will be cathartic enough that i can go back to having good dreams...