don't you shiver

it is 53 degrees outside right now (so, freezing). i'm sure that means the swimming pool is 1 or 2 degrees away from turning into an ice skating rink, but right now i have the greatest urge to jump in. i keep trying to think why that would be a bad idea, and i'm having a hard time coming up with reasons. i probably would regret it after .3 seconds in the water, but i just have this strange strange feeling in my guts that it would be so wonderful...

i just went out there, to look. i almost did it - the water looked so inviting. (who knows why. i have been freezing all day. this sudden urge to get in is the strangest thing...) i stepped in, just to see. and i almost peed my pants. thank goodness i had some self control and didn't jump all the way in. i would be at the hospital with hypothermia, and you all would be extremely sad. hopefully that satisfied my strange strange need to be in freezing cold water. if not, i may just have to get in tomorrow, while the sun is shining...

i can laugh it off

i have debated back and forth with myself about whether i should post this or not. i am going to, at the risk of humiliating myself. (although i'm pretty sure i have done that once or twice over already.) who knows how long it will stay up, or even if anyone will read it. if no one does, that would be wonderful. i could get it off my chest, without anyone feeling sorry for me. (and if you do read it, don't feel sorry for me! no pity, i mean it.) here goes:

i will be 25 in less than one week, as previously stated. here's what i left out last time - i have never been kissed. i'm not lying. and every year that passes makes that fact just a little more evident. time passes, people move on with their lives, and i feel like i'm still stuck back in high school, waiting for that one rite of passage to make it possible for me to move on with my life. i tell myself all the time to not listen to all the tv shows and movies and songs i hear, that it will happen when it happens and it will be fine no matter what age i am. but that doesn't always keep me from picturing myself being 86 at a nursing home, kissing the first guy with memory loss that i meet. and that is not a pretty picture. let's just hope i don't get that desperate ever. i'm not yet. case in point - last year, on my birthday, i was propositioned for some free, non committal making out. by the creepiest, oldest guy at the complex. get real. thank goodness i had the presence of mind to deny him that pleasure, and preserved my self respect forever. some people may think i should have done it, just to get it over with. no way. i feel good about myself just for saying no, and no amount of first kisses would change that fact. so i'll just be patient, and wait for it to happen. if it doesn't, no biggie. life is good, eh? it's a new year, and a new start, and lost is starting soon.

p.s. if you do feel sorry for me, and you happen to know a cute single man who lives in arizona or would be willing to travel, you know where to find me. :)

i don't feel any different

oh my. 2009 is here. this is the year i turn 25. i never thought i would reach this point in my life - don't ask me why. but when i was littler, i never thought past 20 or 21. 25 just seemed unreachable. now that it is almost here (8 more days. yikes) i am excited. i love the new year, and new beginnings. i like looking back at the past year and seeing what i accomplished, and looking forward to all of the potential that this coming year holds. only 364 days to go - better make the most of it!

new year's resolutions. i've made them before, but always hastily. i haven't ever put a lot of thought in. this year, though, i started thinking about them 2 or 3 weeks ago. just kind of formulating ideas and plans in my head. i made 7 last night. i think that is a good number - not too many, not too few. i'm excited to see how what happens this year, and how close i come to accomplishing my goals. this has been a good, exciting year for me, but i'm hoping 2009 is even better!

my heartbeat drop

i tripped and fell (spectacularly!) coming out of church today. if they had satellite cameras catching people's falls for a yearly award show, i would win, hands down. it wasn't just a trip-and-land-flat-on-your-face fall. it was a trip-and-trip-and-trip-again-and-catch-yourself-with-your-face-on-a-conviently-parked-p.t.cruiser fall. i knew i shouldn't have worn those sexy red shoes today. they were nothing but trouble. i'm just hoping those boys standing at the door weren't watching me walk away like i thought they were...

amid the cold of winter

like jessi has said, it is a little hard to get in the christmas spirit around here. i think the problem lies in the fact that we are transplants, and this is the first christmas season we are experiencing down here in the valley of the sun. we talked just today, in fact, about how we will probably be bundled up in coats and scarves this time next year, or the year after that. but this year, things are not quite christmas-y yet (wishful thinking. and i don't love the snow, so let's hope it stays that way.) so, to get myself a little more excited, i made sugar cookies! those cookies are a tradition and it definitely wouldn't feel like christmas without them. so i attempted, and they turned out decent. (lately, i have been having fantasies about becoming a domestic goddess - sewing, cooking, decorating... all the fun stuff.)

i tried to be cool like bonny and the pioneer woman and take pictures, but i kept forgetting. so i ended up with one of the beginning, and one of the end. plus 2 in between (one of which jessi took, of me being a mess. it is unavoidable for me, i think.)

this is the amount of cookies we had after making half the dough. this recipe is the most delicious one alive, but it makes enough cookies to feed one million people. and i love them so much i have to restrain myself from scarfing down handfuls at a time, like the cookie monster. too bad i couldn't make jessi take any home. all of those bad boys were left here tempting me (cookie eater - reason #6?)

shed some light

today i thought of a lot of reasons why i wish i had a boyfriend. here are the top 5 for your reading pleasure:

1 - he probably would have taken me to the jazz game in phoenix tonight, and we would have been the difference those boys needed to get the w. (plus, what an awesome game to go to! if i wouldn't have known who won before i watched it, i would have made myself even more hoarse from screaming.)

2 - he could have gone back to target for me to get the eggs i paid for but didn't bring home. merry christmas someone else. (but don't worry. they were only 89 cents. and no, i didn't get a magic deal on eggs. i only bought 6.)

3 - i would have someone to cuddle with on these cold cold 70 degree days we're having.

4 - he could fix all the light bulbs that are burnt out on my car. i'm not sure why 3 burnt out at the same time...

5 - he could be my page turner next week at church when i have to accompany some people for our christmas program. i like to have practice with my page turners, so i may just end up doing it myself.

i'm annually reminded

i fully intended to post this list on thanksgiving day (i even took my laptop up to my mom's specifically for that purpose) but i forgot that vacations turn into time suckers - all the sudden it was midnight and i was sleepy! the whole vacation was like that. it was so fun and adventure packed that i didn't have time for half the stuff i wanted to do. consequently, i am just posting it today. (jessi beat me!) to make up for it, i will list more than one item per day. i didn't keep track of the dates (i could go backwards from today, but i don't want to) and i ended up writing down at least 2 things i was grateful for everyday, and sometimes more. anyway, without further ado, here we go!

- the gospel
- my family, immediate and extended
- memories
- the internet
- advice from people i trust
- prayer, and answers to prayers
- the priesthood
- sunshine
- jessi, dude, and scott, and fun hang out days!
- the scriptures
- my awesomely amazing memory
- things working out the way they should, not necessarily the way i want them to
- hope
- my cell phone
- text messaging
- a sense of humor
- my car
- china!
- my computer
- the freedoms i have
- that i love to read, and the good books in the world
- inspiring words
- my cute piano students!
- my grandma
- my dogs
- air conditioning
- music
- playing fun games
- my glasses
- my talents
- good relief society lessons
- the library
- free laundry machines
- people who are kind for no reason
- being in control of my life
- freedom to choose
- flip flops
- my ipod
- the elliptical
- missionaries
- oceans
- accomplishing goals
- my fantastic boss, and job
- patience, and opportunities to gain more
- the jazz
- the office
- sports
- prophets and apostles alive on the earth today
- the passing of time
- having fun
- good leaders
- new things
- dvr
- singing in a choir
- the moon
- sushi
- water
- peach fresca
- chick flicks
- going to church
- courage
- spending time with good friends who are also good people
- working out
- finding new music
- temples
- my sister, and my brothers
- my parents
- holidays
- laughing
- my bishop
- cheaper gas
- to be alive!
- love stories
- the beautiful world
- that i have so many things to be grateful for

that got a little out of hand... like jessi said, going back through the list really brings back the feelings and things i was doing on the days i wrote those things down. it's so funny - some days i was so tired or grumpy that i just wrote down the first thing i could see. but i ended up thinking about it, and really realizing how appreciative i am of the little things and big things in my life. anyways, i have decided to keep adding to the list. a gratitude journal maybe. it helps me to be more aware of the things around me, and definitely keeps me happier!