i will rise up with fists

after a night of strange and unsettling dreams, (which included one of not getting enough sleep... not a good omen) i am feeling awake and energetic and inspired and empowered. (i hate that word.)

i'm tired of feeling stupid or apologetic for being myself.

i'm tired of trying to be something i'm not.

i'm tired of waiting around for things to happen to me.

i'm tired of dreaming big dreams and then doing nothing about them.

and i'm tired of trying to make things happen that are hopeless - that suck all my effort and energy and get nowhere.

i'm going to do things - i'm going to write a book, and i'm going to move to london, and i'm going to travel and see places and do things. i'm going to grow in my convictions and my faith and my testimony, and i'm going to pare down in other areas and make the things simpler that need to be simpler.

i'm going to stop waiting around to be noticed and i'm going to forget the people who aren't noticing. i'm going to love the people around me and tell them, and stop worrying about being loved back.

i'm going to be happy with where i am, and work on improving to get somewhere better.