Sunday, September 27, 2009

no want shall i know

yesterday, at approximately 5:57 pm, i was standing next to my best bud surrounded by hundreds of other women and one man. that one man was right in front of us, singing tenor with those hundreds of soprano and alto voices almost drowning him out. but i could hear him, and my already wet eyes just kept producing more and more tears. there i was, on a saturday night, listening to a stake president i didn't even know singing the words to my favorite hymn. and i asked myself "how did i get here? what have i done to be so blessed? how have i found myself as a part of this beautiful gospel, with these beautiful people who are all so unique and yet so much a vital part of this beautiful work, with a place made for each individual and their abilities and talents used to bless each others lives?"

i have thought a lot lately about these things, and sometime struggled to understand what significance i can have in any one's life. there are so many out there who are more qualified, who have more experience, who can do things faster and more effectively than i could ever hope to, i haven't come up with a good answer to those questions yet, but here is what i do know:

i know that i am loved by my Father in Heaven and by His Son, my Savior.
i know that i am here in this life for a purpose, even if i don't know what it is now.
i know that the true gospel has been restored on the earth, and that i am a part of it, however small that part may be.
i know that by doing the things i know to be right, i will ultimately receive blessings far beyond my capacity to comprehend.

when i get discouraged, or overwhelmed by my insignificance, i try to find the time and means to sit and think about those things. because when i do, an amazing thing happens. the weight of that testimony seems to settle comfortably on my shoulders and sink into all my nooks and crannies, filling in the gaps where emptiness and uncertainty usually reside. all thoughts of my insignificance dissolve into insignificance themselves, and i am left with a feeling a purpose and happiness that i can't describe.

the next feeling comes naturally - who can i share this with? who can i help to find this same feeling? because who doesn't want to feel that way? who doesn't want that surety in their life as often as they can get it? i think that is something the whole world is looking for, consciously or otherwise. and who am i to keep it all to myself?

this coming up weekend is one of my absolute favorite weekends of the year. it's almost like christmas. listening to the prophet of God is not something you can get enough of. i hope to keep this feeling with me all week, and then to gain the inspiration i need to carry it with me longer, so that i can share this feeling with everyone i meet. because everyone has a place here, and something to offer, and i think we all can use a little more strength and help along our way.

1 comment:

DeGooyer Family said...

Beautiful post, Jenna. =)