for better or for worse i've yet to know

i've spent (maybe wasted... we'll see) a lot of my life wishing i could be different. you know, different hair, different nose, different eyes, different personality (just certain elements.) i wish my brain was different, or my life was different. not better necessarily, just... different.

today, my wish was to be one of those people that thrives on uncertainty. i do like to have an element of surprise in my life, but i wouldn't say i thrive on it. for example, i like it when i know a surprise is coming, just not when exactly it will arrive. or to know when something unexpected will happen, just not what it is. not that those two things are common occurrences, but they are happy occurrences when they do come around.

but when all factors are up in the air, i tend to become a little neurotic. i obsess, going over every single possibility relentlessly, until i have exhausted every option (and i mean exhausted, and i mean every option.) and then i repeat. and repeat. and repeat. this usually goes on for a couple of weeks, or until i find out something and can put my mind at ease. unfortunately for me, it is usually the couple of weeks, so i am stuck acting like a crazy person for long periods of time. explains a lot, eh?

side note - byu football starts this week. go cougie bougies! and basketball is just around the corner, if time keeps on slipping the way it has been. thank goodness for that bright side.