i don't belong here

it must be monday.

i got bad news twice before lunch!

first - someone got my credit card number. not sure how it happened, or what they were thinking, but i now have six dollars in cash to last me until i get my new cards. wonderful.

second - did anyone else see that article about the dictionary being phased out? (not that i would call the today show the pinnacle of reporting, or anything like that. but it makes sense, right? the internet is taking over the world.) call me crazy, or old fashioned, but if no one makes books anymore i will be very upset.

i love books - the smell of them, the way they feel in your hands, just the weight of them, and they way they look on the shelf. plus the promise a new book holds. when i read something significant in a book, i always remember everything about it - where it is on the page, where i was when i read it, the way i felt about it. you don't get those same feelings from an electronic device. the magic just disappears.

i can see myself in fifty years as the crazy book lady, in a house surrounded by bookshelves on every wall with books on them that i have never read - i just own them because they are becoming extinct and i want to preserve them if it is that last thing on earth i do. (yup, i'm crazy.)

anyway, i guess the only way this day can go from here is up!

night gathers round my soul

sometimes life is just hard.

i've had a somewhat rough week - full of frustration and discouragement. i hate to admit it (or just even say it, i guess) but it is hard to be a twenty six year old single lady. i try to forget it, because most of the time my life is wonderful and happy in spite of that fact. but it is an ever present fact - always hanging out, teasing me, and every once in a while i get hit over the head with it, and i struggle for a little bit.

luckily, i can't stay down forever. i have great friends, incredible parents, and faith in my Savior. i know He knows me, and understands me, and can help me. the days that knowledge fades into the background are the hardest, but luckily i know how to bring it back - listening to general conference, reading my scriptures, getting good advice from people i love, etc. etc.

yesterday, i was listening to some conference talks, trying to find the hidden messages just for me. they are always in there, but i occasionally have to listen intensely to find them. not yesterday - they were everywhere! and as i sat listening and thinking, it was like the kaleidoscope shifted, and i could see clearly again. life is still hard - that won't ever go away. but having the right perspective makes all the difference.

things will work out - life will go on - i will survive. and if i try hard enough, and stay focused enough, and have faith enough, i will survive well.

happiness hit her like a bullet in the head

road trip recap

we started out early, after saying good bye to cute little scotty and isaac (scotty was asking to come - "i wanna go to began." that means vegas.) and dude said bye too. we hit the road jack, and almost died pretty immediately. jessi racked up two of those, which meant i got two freebies on the way home.

the road is meant for jenna, and for the format - we sang our little hearts out! (in case anyone is wondering what to get me for christmas, or my birthday, i can always use a road trip. i love them, if you weren't already aware.) at one point, we got a little carried away with the dam jokes - needlessly, because it was not even backed up on the way there. and right before we got to jen's house, we stopped at the nicest mcdonalds in the entire universe - even nicer than the two story ones i went to in china. seriously - there were chandeliers in the bathroom. it was like the twilight zone.

this is the coolest bridge ever.

jen's shower was so nice and fun, plus it had the added bonus of being in an old mafia house. (that is unconfirmed, but once i heard about the bullet-proof glass, i was convinced. there was just a mafia vibe.) after the shower, it was all fun and games with those crazy brinkerhoff ladies!

the drive back was a little longer - the dam was backed up then. but that's what road trips are for! jessi and i had a blast - talking and reading and listening to some more good tunes (ps if anyone is looking for new music recommendations, so am i. i have a few i could probably swap, but i'm bored to tears of my ipod these days.) all in all, a fun girly weekend! thanks for taking me, jess!

watch you laughing

my favorite two year old.

also - sister, brothers, if you read this - have some kids! (well, get married first.) i would like some nieces and nephews.

vegas in the am (early i'm afraid). and fun best friend sleepover tonight! sounds like a weekend of party to me...

(ps i hope my voice is that nasally because of my illness and not because that's just how it is.)

oh, don't deceive me

three things of note in my life:

- i got a new lifetime high bowling score on friday - wait for it - 80! i was hoping to break 100, but i'll take 80. especially since i was bowling instead of working.

- i finished re-reading the seventh harry potter book last night. i like reading them all in a row, as quickly as possible. i know i've said this before, but i love reading things over and over and over. i can't help but get sucked in, every time. (in general, i'm good at remembering details, not so good at remembering plot.) reading them again has caused me to desire this. but it's $450. yikes.
- i killed it playing the piano for choir yesterday. all that practicing was worth it, i guess. (also, reading harry potter causes me to have harry potter sightings in my life. i won't tell you who the choir director looks like... he must not be named. ha ha.)

they'd tell you by now

there was a new episode of radiolab yesterday - hallelujah! - and i listened to it this afternoon. it was all about words, and language, and it started the wheels turning in my head (does that surprise anyone?)

i'm going to try to summarize and communicate my thoughts about the episode in a timely manner, but no promises. here goes -

they started off with a story about a boy who was deaf and went until he was 27 before he was able to communicate with anyone - he was 27 before he even knew that things had names and words associated with them. there was also a story about a deaf school in nicaragua and how the students there came up with their own language, and it was only after they did so that they were able to process thinking about other people's thoughts and thought processes. before that, it seems they weren't aware that other people can think. makes sense - if you can't communicate with anyone, how do you know they feel and think and act just like you do? if you can't talk to them, life would be more like watching a movie than observing others acting autonomously.

those two stories were what started me thinking, and this is what i thought. if lack of communication leads to isolation in general, then does our ability to communicate, and the ways we communicate, lead to the connections we have with others. (i'm sure i'm not breaking any new ground here, but i had never thought of things in quite this way before.)

if i meet someone, and we communicate in generally the same way, is this what sparks a close relationship? because the way i see it, humans in general have the same experiences, or at least all experiences boil down to approximately the same things. if i tell you a story about my life and the emotion (or emotions) that experience caused me to feel, chances are you have also had an experience that caused you to feel those same emotions. everyone feels loss and hurt and anxiety and love and happiness and fear and peace. the experiences we have that cause us to feel those things differ, but the feelings we get from them are the same from person to person. so if i am a good communicator in general, or if i communicate that experience to you in a way that you can easily recognize and relate to, then we both identify the emotion and share a connection.

so does our ability to communicate dictate the relationships we develop? seems kind of like a no-brainer, but the light bulb went on for me. maybe that is the reason some friendships never get off the ground, past the superficial stage. maybe that is why i just can't get that boy to date me, or why i spend so much time with some friends that we start to sound alike. we either can or can't communicate well with each other. (there is a possibility i am oversimplifying this, but i think there is a strong possibility that this is at least one of the factors in a complicated process.)

i love radiolab.

ready to bolt

this weekend was a weekend of firsts.

- i donated blood for the first time ever! i've been too scared ever since jessi had a horribly freakish experience in high school, but i went saturday and now i feel like a new person!

- i made cinnamon rolls, from scratch. and boy were they delicious. if you are nice to me i might give you one, because i accidentally made about five million. so i guess the amount of nice you have to be is inversely proportional to the amount of desperate i am to get rid of them...

hmmm. maybe only two firsts this weekend. i'm sure if i tried real hard i could come up with other things, but my brain is slightly foggy at the moment, and i don't really want to try really hard. just know it was a great weekend full of two firsts...

p.s. here's something you don't see every day - homeboy is wearing plaid shorts and a striped shirt... i think this may be a first - not sure i've ever seen someone try to pull that off before. but it was on thursday, so not this weekend...

everything that you want to say

when i was little, my dad had a ritual to start fhe every week - old business/new business. he'd ask for old business first, and we got to share with the group, and then the same deal with new business. really, it was just us saying whatever we wanted, and i think most weeks it ended up more like bad news/good news. anyways, here is my version of "old business/new business."

old business: our email was out at work all day. a-nnoy-ing.
new business: somebody went on a frosty run on their lunch break, and i got a free frosty!

old business: i've been stressing out about not very much the past few days. (i think my brain is broken.)
new business: i finally got some inspiration for mom's birthday present! (however, i am going to need an editor. if anyone feels inclined to volunteer, please let me know asap.)

old business: this week is not looking very promising in the monsoon department.
new business: pazookies are wonderful! and jessi and i sure know how to party

old business: practicing the piano for choir gets old fast.
new business: road trip to vegas in a few weeks!

and that brings this session of old business/new business to a close.

tune my heart

watch this -



or this -



you won't regret it.

(nothing like a little message from President Monson to brighten your day.)

send the sun

i love sunday drives - with the windows down, the sun setting, some nice peaceful music on the radio, clouds in the sky and rain in the air. (a little bit like this)

i think they are one of my absolute favorite things in life.

i was just missing one thing to make it perfect.

but it was pretty dang close.