i have debated back and forth with myself about whether i should post this or not. i am going to, at the risk of humiliating myself. (although i'm pretty sure i have done that once or twice over already.) who knows how long it will stay up, or even if anyone will read it. if no one does, that would be wonderful. i could get it off my chest, without anyone feeling sorry for me. (and if you do read it, don't feel sorry for me! no pity, i mean it.) here goes:
i will be 25 in less than one week, as previously stated. here's what i left out last time - i have never been kissed. i'm not lying. and every year that passes makes that fact just a little more evident. time passes, people move on with their lives, and i feel like i'm still stuck back in high school, waiting for that one rite of passage to make it possible for me to move on with my life. i tell myself all the time to not listen to all the tv shows and movies and songs i hear, that it will happen when it happens and it will be fine no matter what age i am. but that doesn't always keep me from picturing myself being 86 at a nursing home, kissing the first guy with memory loss that i meet. and that is not a pretty picture. let's just hope i don't get that desperate ever. i'm not yet. case in point - last year, on my birthday, i was propositioned for some free, non committal making out. by the creepiest, oldest guy at the complex. get real. thank goodness i had the presence of mind to deny him that pleasure, and preserved my self respect forever. some people may think i should have done it, just to get it over with. no way. i feel good about myself just for saying no, and no amount of first kisses would change that fact. so i'll just be patient, and wait for it to happen. if it doesn't, no biggie. life is good, eh? it's a new year, and a new start, and lost is starting soon.
p.s. if you do feel sorry for me, and you happen to know a cute single man who lives in arizona or would be willing to travel, you know where to find me. :)